Something Brown

Warnings: Mature Content

Watee makes an alarming discovery one day, causing tension among the residents of the Tee-house.
The brainchild of myself and soosuxx hahahaha. It’s absolutely meant to be crack and ridiculous, so don’t take it too seriously lol.

In the past year, Watee had developed a newfound warmth and trust in his housemates following the rekindling of his relationship with his father, and indeed, his half-brother, T-Rex. There was no mortgage left to pay, no resentment left to air towards his makeshift family, and no more ridiculous house rules left to instil.

In fact, the six young men had developed an inexplicably comfortable rhythm with each other over time that nobody else could possibly comprehend, rooted in their unique shared experience. Even Teedet, as long as the others mostly left him alone to fawn over the gardenias, could be vaguely pleasant most of the time.

They’d formed such a bond that it almost felt wrong to leave. And while Watee won’t admit it, he’d been secretly pleased and equal parts relieved when his best friend, the eldest of the six, had informed him that he would stay even after he’d graduated. He’d harboured the truth about his stupid, dangerous crush on the somewhat old-fashioned cook for months, and if he couldn’t have him the way he wanted, well, keeping his best friend at his side for as long as possible doesn’t sound so bad.

All is well, and Watee feels mutual trust he hasn’t felt since…

…well, since Mae had passed.

While he could certainly do without Maetee’s occasional late night shrieks about what he was utterly convinced was a poltergeist, and without the others repeatedly shouting at Tee-Do to pass the salt before ultimately ripping the damn headphones off, Watee can’t bring himself to complain about the liveliness that has become the soundtrack to his passing days.

But as most families come to be, their level of comfort around each other reached…unique levels in the most recent months.

It had started with loud, wet farts as they played video games and trembling burps at the table without any reservation, and walking around the house in boxers worn for the third day in a row, but eventually, they had all grown comfortable enough to leave personal belongings in the shower that would otherwise remain tucked away in a sock drawer.

T-Rex had been the first to make the discovery. It had all started as an accident, Maetee mindlessly leaving the silicone wall-suction toy plugged into the wall of the shower one night as he’d left the bathroom. The youngest of the six had stared at it, blinking in confusion. He’d never had roommates before moving here, but he’d never heard of keeping…such intimate possessions lying around so carelessly.

After a good five or so minutes of making awkward eye contact with the purple phallus from his seat on the toilet, he’d pulled his gaze away as he finished up, before softly knocking on the room of Teedo and Teedet’s bedroom door. Soon, all three of them had stood together in the bathroom, staring at the mystery dildo, but coming up with no answers as to who could have left it there.

By the end of the day, Maitee and Watee had seen it too, thus confirming that the protruding object belonged to none other than their ghost-fearing housemate. None of them, however, were ready to discuss its presence or the implications behind it.

And so they’d ignored it.

Maetee had shamelessly taken this to mean that he could, in fact, leave it there, and so the five-inch toy found new residence on the shower wall.

As a few more weeks passed, they’d all become so accustomed to its presence that it simply became a fixture that they paid no mind to.

Until, that is, another one appeared.

And another.

And another.

Soon, each of the six had a shower companion reflective of their own unique desires, lined up in a row on the shower wall. With the exception of Teedet, who had somehow found a suction cup Fleshlite online one lonely night when Looksorn had gone on an exchange program to Singapore for a whole semester, all of them found release in their respective dildos.

Watee isn’t sure what he would tell people if they were to ever visit the house and use the bathroom, but every time the doorbell rings even for the mail carrier to deliver a package, his first panicked reflex is to pull the shower curtain shut to avoid questions.

Despite the highly unusual nature of the matter, each of them held no complaints, so long as they all respected each other’s boundaries.

So when, one afternoon, as Watee is about to step into the shower after an exceptionally stressful shift at the café, he makes yet another discovery, he almost falls over his own feet.

There, on his own usually plain, average-sized dildo, is something he’d never thought he would see in his life. Once he spots it, he has to gather himself and inspect it again. He’d had it custom-made, modelled after…well, that doesn’t matter, but the point is that he’d paid a pretty penny for it!

And while he’d specified for it to be a creamy shade of tan, just like the original owner’s, the streaky stain he now observes is quite a few shades darker, almost a thin, grainy sludge coating the length.

Watee feels his blood boil. Who had had the audacity to, firstly, use his dildo without permission when they had one of their own, and secondly, not clean themselves beforehand, and further yet, leave it covered in their sticky shit afterwards?!

This simply isn’t acceptable.

With a huff, he pulls his clothes back on before slamming the bathroom door open.

“House meeting! NOW!” he bellows, loud enough that Jab begins to yip in the front yard with startled alert.

Maitee pokes his head around the door, slightly heaving from having run straight from the kitchen, still wearing his apron.

“What’s going on?”

“What’s with all the racket?” Teedo and Teedet shuffle from their room, followed by T-Rex, who slips in between the boys to stand in front of them. Maetee trails in afterwards, peeking over the others’ shoulders.

Who did this?!” Watee flings a hand towards the shower, shoulders heaving with rage.

The others crowd around to where he’s pointing, peering around the shower curtain, looking the entire area up and down before spotting the offensive stain.

“Oh, ew!” Teedet immediately scrunches his face up in disgust. “Well, first off. It definitely isn’t me. Probably Maetee,” he scoffs, earning him a shove.

“Excuse me?” Maetee says in protest. “I always clean myself. Besides, that’s way too big for my liking.”

“And it’s absolutely not me, I can’t even reach that high,” T-Rex pushes his glasses up his nose.

“I’m literally a germaphobe, so that’s definitely not my doing,” Maitee raises his hands in defense.

Watee is still seething, finally turning to Teedo, who has remained quiet the entire time. The cellist’s face goes pale, suddenly squirming under the other’s anticipatory side-eyeing, before sighing in relent.

“Fine, it was me. I’m sorry. I just wanted to try it, and then I heard the doorbell, so I panicked, and I didn’t get to clean it in time before one of you used the bathroom.”

“Teedo! What the fuck!” Watee smacks the shower curtain. “Why would you use my dildo?! You have your own!”

“I-I know…but…I noticed that it kind of looked like…” he averts his gaze, looking down at his feet. “…like Mai’s…”

“Ohhh my god,” T-Rex covers his ears, pushing past the others to leave the bathroom. “I do not need to hear this conversation.”

“Y’all need help,” Teedet shakes his head, following T-Rex out.

“What?” Maitee narrows his gaze now, staring at the stained silicone phallus that upon closer inspection, did in fact resemble his own erection. “‘Do, why do you even know what my genitals look like?”

“I…um….well,” Teedo looks sideways at Watee, who has suddenly ceased his agitated shouting. Maitee follows his line of vision, confused, before he stills with realisation.

“Wait…Watee…did you…” he blinks several times, before breathing sharply. “Did you send him my—”

“It was an accident, I swear!” Watee grabs Maitee’s arm, desperate to explain. “Please, I meant to Airdrop it to my computer, but I accidentally sent it to him instead.”

“Why would you even—you know what? Never mind.”

“Mai,” Watee can feel the blood drain from his face in mortification. “Please let me explain.”

“No, just…I’m…I need to clean up in the kitchen.”

The elder man pulls his arm away and slinks past them and out of the bathroom, leaving Teedo and Watee to stare at the tiled floor in silence. Eventually, Watee pulls a hand over his face in disbelief.

“Do…just…clean your shit up. With disinfectant. Fucking hell.”

“Wa, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah? Well, we’re learning a whole lot about each other today, aren’t we? Just clean it up while I try to salvage whatever last shred of my friendship there is left.”

He grabs his towel, quietly leaving the bathroom.

As he enters his room, he flops down onto the bed, staring at the ceiling with a groan. How had things gone to shit (no pun intended) so rapidly in the space of five minutes?

I should’ve deleted that video as soon as I got it, he mentally scolds himself.

It had happened one night about two months ago, when he’d been walking back from the bus stop after visiting his father in hospital, and his phone had pinged with a message from his friend.

Bullfrog has sent you a video.

The thumbnail had been quite vague, just a still image of the phone pointed at the stomach of Maitee’s beige knitted polo. With a smirk, Watee had clicked into the video, hearing the man’s drunken muttering.

“It’s so…nngh. I just want to…”

“You wasted idiot,” Watee had laughed to himself, recalling that his friend had told him he would be meeting up to drink with some high school friend that evening. He’d kept watching, fondly expecting the man to clumsily roll off the bed and pass out at any moment.

Except he hadn’t. Instead, Watee had sucked in a breath as he watched Maitee’s nimble fingers work the button of his pressed khakis undone, aggressively pushing them down his legs until they reached his knees.

“Thas bedder…” Maitee had mumbled lazily, then pawed at the bulge trapped under grey cotton briefs, squeezing the material. Watee had almost dropped his phone, checking his surroundings to ensure that nobody was around to see or hear, then dodged into a nearby alleyway, barely taking his eyes off the screen.

And then Watee had gulped down the saliva forming in his mouth, clutching his bag over his own tightening pants as he saw a part of his childhood friend he never thought he’d witness. Slow, deliberate strokes over smooth, veiny flesh at first that emit a whimper from satisfied lips, although Watee wasn’t sure if it had come from his phone or his own mouth.

His other hand had clenched into a tight fist, grasping at the air in desperation as if hoping to replace Maitee’s hand with his own, to be the one who draws such beautiful sounds from his mouth—

And before he realised, the video had ended, the last frame a dark blur where Maitee’s phone had fallen out of his grasp. Watee had stared at his phone screen for a few seconds longer before shoving it into his pocket, taking several deep breaths to calm his rapidly thudding heart.

When he’d reached home and crept into their bedroom, he’d found Maitee sound asleep, face down and softly snoring into his pillow and his phone nowhere to be seen. Watee had barely slept a wink that night, yawning into the empty room early the next morning when the urge to pee had outweighed his desire to continue sleeping.

Of course, Maitee, freshly showered and in clean clothes, was already cooking breakfast, and when Watee had awkwardly padded into the kitchen, their gazes had met with an uncomfortable silence.

“Morning,” Watee had mumbled with a tight-lipped ghost of a smile.

Maitee had nodded in response, before putting down the ladle and wiping his hands on his apron. He takes a few shallow breaths before leaning forwards onto the table.

“I’m guessing you’ve seen it already.”

Watee nods after a moment, sensing no reason in lying about it.

“Um…I’m sorry. I was drunk out of my mind and I don’t know why I even thought it was a good idea to film something like that let alone send it to anyone, especially you.”

“It’s…fine. Consider it forgotten. We don’t have to talk about it ever,” Watee says quickly, waving his hand around in a dismissive gesture. “I won’t tell a soul, promise.”

And he hadn’t, although that didn’t mean that the video hadn’t remained in his phone, going so far as to traipse around on the site that Teedet had unabashedly sent him, joking about how he was the last one to add his own dildo to the shower wall, and that he should take his pick or have one customised to his liking.

He’d sent his housemate a disapproving frown in the moment, but later that evening, had delved further into the customisation service, internally debating before taking a few screencaps of the video he’d replayed on silent over a hundred times.

When the discreet packaging had arrived, he’d marvelled at it with quietly hungry eyes, and immediately added it to the row in the shower. He’d started out just kneeling down to feel its shape in his mouth, before almost gagging at the rubbery taste. Then he’d rubbed up against it between his thighs, embarrassed with how quickly he’d finished at just the way it glided over his sensitive regions. And when he’d finally gathered up enough bravery to open himself up enough to invite it inside of him, he’d had to clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle his screams, coming out like high-pitched vocal warmups blurred out by the sound of the water hitting his lower back.

Several nights a week, it had become an addicting part of his routine, and none of the others had questioned the new addition to the shower. However, since its appearance, Watee had caught Maitee staring at him for just a second too long at times, although it could purely be his own imagination.

Other days, though, especially when Maitee was working late, he would double lock the bedroom door, pulling out the video while he mimicked the sloppy movements of his best friend’s hand over his own cock. A part of him would feel guilty or strange at doing all of this without the man’s knowledge, but ultimately his newfound lust would overpower such rational thinking until his stomach would be stained with all he could savour of his unrequited love.

And then the sobering day had come when he’d gotten the genius idea to transfer the video to his laptop so that he could watch it hands free rather than having to hold his phone to his face until his forearm ached. Sharing it via Airdrop to his laptop, he’d refreshed his Downloads folder repeatedly, confused when the video didn’t pop up. He’d picked up his phone again in frustration, only to turn pale and a flood of unease wash over him.

SoLaTeeDo’s iPhone


The message had come in a mere two minutes later, during which Watee had stared in mortification and disbelief at his phone, unsure of whether to burgle the phone from Teedo and destroy it with a meat tenderiser, or to beat himself with the damn thing.

Teedo: Dude….what the fuck????

Teedo: What is this?

Teedo: Is this Mai???

Watee: omfg i’m so sorry

Watee: it was an accident!!!!

Watee: please delete it

Teedo: Yeah, duh. I don’t need Mai’s junk on my phone.

Teedo: Why do you have this anyway?

Teedo: OMG did you two finally get together?

Watee: what? no

Watee: just delete it and forget it happened. PLEASE.

Watee: and wdym finally????

Teedo: LMAO please

Teedo: You think I offered to room with Teedet because we’re such good buddies?

Teedo: Anyway, no worries.

Teedo: Wait is your dildo shaped like him? Sksksjjskjsfjkfj

Watee: i will fuckin evict you

Perhaps he’d been naïve to think that Maitee would never find out about his shameful secret. After all, the man had been attuned to his every move, knowing what he felt or thought even before he himself realised. He would tell himself that his best friend treated everyone around him with such kindness and understanding, and that he wasn’t anyone special.

But then Maitee would smile straight at him, or cook his favourite dish, or hold him on nights when he was missing his mother just a little too much. And Watee would fall, breathing the scent on his pillow after Maitee had already gotten up to make breakfast, sneak a peek from the corner of his eye when the man would change his shirt in the same room, press his lips against the shower wall as he rubbed against his best friend’s silicone replica.

He’d fucked up so royally, and now the Bullfrog to his Redface would likely move out like he probably should have when he’d graduated last year. Watee sniffles, the lump in his throat so large he can barely swallow it, and so he allows it to escape him in a choked sob.


He wipes at his eyes and nose, blinking away tears before looking up to see none other than the man he’d betrayed and sexualised without his permission. He doesn’t respond, simply clasping his hands together to stare at the floor.

The door clicks shut, and then the mattress next to him dips down lightly as Maitee sits next to him, closer than perhaps necessarily, but the mere inch between them feels like a mile.

“I just want to know why,” the tanned chef leans forward onto his knees. “Why you didn’t delete the video, why you…had a dildo made to look like me. Why you sent the video to Teedo.”

Watee nods. All valid questions.

“Teedo was an accident. I meant to Airdrop the video to my laptop but ended up sending it to him by mistake.”

“Okay,” Maitee nods slowly. “But why did you hav—”

“Because I didn’t want to, okay? Look, you probably don’t think I could ever feel that way, but I have been trying to just push down whatever I’m feeling for you for over a year now. It hurts, Mai. You keep talking to me the way you do and taking care of me the way you do, but that’s just it. It’s just who you are, and I’m a fucking idiot for ever thinking it might mean something, but if I couldn’t have you, then…I know it was wrong, and I should’ve deleted it the instant I got it, and I should definitely never have gotten that damn thing made, but—”

“You’re not wrong, Watee.”

“—I was…wait…what?”

“You haven’t been reading it wrong. Everything I do for you, it does mean something. And I wish I’d told you earlier so that we could’ve stopped wasting all this time. I know I was drunk that night, but a part of me…wanted you to see me as…something more than just your childhood friend. Not the wisest or most sober of ways to get the message across, I realise, but…there you go.”

As they look at each other, new realisations dawning upon their misconceptions, they break into laughter, the tension easing from Watee’s shoulders as he shoves Maitee playfully in the shoulder. A little too hard, though, as the latter stumbles backwards onto the mattress, pulling the young architect down with him until he’s staring down into chocolate whirlpools.


“So,” Watee echoes.

“Are you going to test out if the real thing lives up to the replica or not?”

And with that, Watee leans down to capture arrogant lips, tugging at the same knitted polo to reveal the taught stomach that leads to the one image he’d only seen digitally.

“Good news,” he whispers against Maitee’s mouth, far warmer and softer than the cold shower wall. “Or, well okay. Neutral news, if that makes you feel better. If it’s you, I’m almost certain that nothing can compare.”

“You trust that that’s true?”

“I trust you most.”

Loving hands pull at shirts over heads, undo buttons on trousers, and tug at underwear until there’s nothing but their bodies against each other and breaths mingling. Contrary to what he’d initially feared, it isn’t at all embarrassing or awkward to suddenly lie bare with the person he’d come to trust the most out of everyone. At every point where their skin meets the other’s, all Watee feels is warmth, and tingles of deep craving for more. More contact, more of shared breathing, more.

Watee kisses his way down warm skin, leaving a cold shiver on each spot he kisses hotly then abandons for the next, until he finally reaches it. Smooth, hard, so familiar and yet somehow different. So ordinary and yet magnificent in its own regard. He’d become so used to the cold, squeaky version that it now makes sense to him why people risk millions to purchase original art in favour of factory-made duplicates.

With tears threatening to spill from his eyes, he dips down for a taste of perfection that he’d longed for this entire time.

As dawn breaks and Watee breathes deeply as he wakes, he turns onto his side, smiling fondly at the man who he knew would always take pride in caring for him and building his happiness. He shuffles him to face the other direction, snuggling his back into a warm, bare chest.

He reaches for his phone, waking the screen to several messages that had been sent some time the night before.

Teedo: Uh…so….

Teedo: Now that you two are…doing the frick frack

Teedo: Do you still want your dildo

Watee: it’s all yours, my friend

Watee: the real thing is beyond comparison 😉